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About Traditional Art / Hobbyist Core Member Also known as AshtonNextGenMale/United Kingdom Groups :iconsegaallstarsracingfc: SegaAllStarsRacingFC
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Sonic Adventure Minecraft

The goal of Sonic Adventure Minecraft is to recreate the entire game of Sonic Adventure in Minecraft as well as include brand new areas you can explore.
Massively expanding upon the city of Station Square and turning it into a real city with locations from other well known Sonic games thrown in as well.
There are hundreds of unique pedestrians in the game you can interact with as well as Chao populating the Chao Gardens and badnik/enemies populating the action stages.

You can download Beta V3 of the project from here:…
You will need to be using Minecraft 1.6.4 to run the map properly. Everything you need will be provided for with the download file though please be aware it may be a lengthy and complicated process if you haven't already adapted to Minecraft 1.6.4.

Visit the archive section of my journal if you want to download any previous versions of the project.

You can see plenty of videos of the project in action on my youtube channel here:…

Shenmue Minecraft

The goal of Shenmue Minecraft, like Sonic Adventure Minecraft is to recreate the entire game of both Shenmue 1 and 2 in Minecraft, complete with my own unique areas and locations to create a huge expansive world out of an old game.
The map of Yokosuka in this project is going to be huge and will cover many unique districts that will be new to Shenmue fans such as Aida Park, Lamistar Shopping District, Takome Village, etc.

In the final version, you'll be able to travel from Yokosuka to Hong Kong through Amnihama Station which will take you to Wan Chai, Kowloon, Guilin, Shanghai, Tokyo and Guiyang, the city featured in my Shenmue 3 fan-fiction novel.… (Guiyang being heavily inspired by the map from Sleeping Dogs)

I also plan to populate the city with thousands of unique NPC's, both familiar and original. (Though in the current betas you'll only be able to interact with Shenmue exclusive characters)

You can download Beta V2 of the project from here:…
You will need to be using Minecraft 1.6.4 to run the map properly. Everything you need will be provided for with the download file though please be aware it may be a lengthy and complicated process if you haven't already adapted to Minecraft 1.6.4.

Minecraft World

As well as both Shenmue and Sonic Adventure, I've also started working on another major project where I plan to recreate real life towns and cities across the UK using Minecraft and Google Maps. Each town and city is going to be it's own project but the overall project is going to simply be called Minecraft World.
So far I'm just going to be focusing on each town's shopping center and working my way out into the suburban and industrial areas later on. My focus right now is Cheltenham Spa and Exminster Village but I'll soon be spreading out into Birmingham, Gloucester, Exeter, Exmouth, Paignton, Goodrington, Torquay, Bristol, London, Dawlish, Teignmouth, Newton Abbot, Stroud, Brixham, Sidmouth, and Seoul (South Korea).

I have plenty of other towns and cities planned afterwards if I feel it's worth the effort, but these 17 areas will be my main focus for the time being.
None of this should really interfere with both Sonic Adventure and Shenmue Minecraft, it's really more of a side project to go alongside them.
I'll keep updating on the progress as I go so for now, watch this space.

Other Projects

Animal Crossing Minecraft

This is a side project I'm working on in an attempt to bring the world of Animal Crossing to Minecraft. The finished version is going to be a huge world of over 20 unique villages all connected by a railway system, a large city and small town to explore, a tropical resort island and even chao gardens. Every single existing Animal Crossing NPC will be part of the project as well as over 50 human residents that you can interact with.
No word on when the project will be finished but as it's much smaller than my other projects, I'd much rather release the finished version for download instead of releasing updated beta versions every year.

You can see an early sneak preview of the project here:

SegaSonic ArcadeCraft

The goal of this project is to recreate the 1992 arcade cabinet game, SegaSonic Arcade in Minecraft, letting you play with either Sonic, Ray or Mighty as you have to traverse each of the 7 stages of Eggman's Island and survive the deadly traps and obstacles along the way.
This is only a short project so I plan to release the full game for download when it's ready, rather than releasing earlier builds for download every year.
You can see an early sneak preview of the project down below.

Sonic 1 Minecraft

Sonic 1 Minecraft is going to be a recreation of the 1991 classic Sonic the Hedgehog on Megadrive in full 3D. The stages are going to be completely redesigned from the ground up and I'm going to be making the game using the original sprites for each level as well as populating the game with Badnik enemies, animals and new challenging boss fights.
I have future plans to give Sonic 2, 3, Knuckles and CD the same treatment.

Wreck it Ralph Minecraft

This is a project I don't intend to even start for a long time but it's something I've been passionate about doing for a long while now.
I intend to recreate the entire world of Wreck it Ralph from the Movie in Minecraft.
Game Central station will be the central hub and from there you can travel to over a dozen different arcade worlds, from Fix it Felix Jr, Sugar Rush, Hero's Duty to other licenced arcade franchises like Sonic Championship, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter and many more.

Shenmue 3: The Complete Saga

Shenmue 3: The Complete Saga is my attempt to continue and finish off Yu Suzuki's Shenmue saga which has been in limbo since the Dreamcast died in 2001.
This project is basically my own interpretation to how I personally envision Shenmue 3, should it ever exist someday. There's going to be 11 chapters in the story bringing Ryo through Guilin, Kowloon and to the Chinese city of Guiyang where the story finally concludes.
The project has been on hold for a long while now but you can read the current 8 chapters of my story here:…
I'll update when the rest are ready,

Hopefully someday I'll turn this into a web comic and maybe even an animated movie or game but for now I'm more concerned with having the story itself finished and uploaded for those interested to be able to read and have some sort of closure with the series, even if it is just a fictional interpretation.

Katherine and Hippoloid

This is a project of mine that I've been passionately taking about for years yet have very little to show for in terms of progress, but Katherine and Hippoloid was my first project that I started when I was 15 and have been very enthusiastic and passionate about ever since.
It's a 5 part story about a girl named Katherine and her best friend Rhys who (while never explained in the story) both have superhuman like abilities to be able to defy gravity and basically travel around the world as freely as a feather.
But in the story their entire world is under attack from an alien invasion lead by an evil tyrant known only as Untitled and a secret resistance group lead by a small hippo named Hippoloid join forces with Katherine & Rhys in an effort to stop the invasion and save both of their worlds from Untitled's rule.

Outside of concept character artwork and the story itself I don't have much to share on the project but I really do hope in the future to be able to turn this into my own video game series, animated series or at the very least a web comic.

This is a project I've been passionate about for most of my entire life now.


This is a project I started when I was in college and was hoping to turn it into a side scrolling horror game for Newgrounds and DeviantArt but my attention has shifted towards other things and the project currently remains in Limbo.
Basically the premise of the project is a 3 part horror series about a teenage boy named Andrew who wakes up in a post apocalyptic future that's completely alien to him. He finds himself all alone in what appears to be a normal city that after sunset becomes Mysteriously infested with zombies, but as he digs deeper into this doomed society he realises that the secrets behind this reality go much, much deeper.

I don't know when I will continue working on this project but concept art for it does exist in my DeviantArt gallery so you can at least have a rough idea of what the project looks like.

Outside of this, I have plenty of other projects in the works, from fan games to animated shorts, comic books and loads more. It's a long road ahead but I'm going to work hard to try and make it all happen. Hopefully you'll enjoy what I have in store.



:icondarklylightkayleigh: :iconmarktheshark274: :iconpantyprisoner: :iconmenzj: :iconsexychris:

How far are we from true artificial intelligence?

Journal Entry: Tue Jul 28, 2015, 9:55 PM

::The Crimson Emo's Journal::

Cross paths by TheCrimsonEmo Dudley St, Birmingham 5 by TheCrimsonEmo Westgate St, Gloucester 5 by TheCrimsonEmo Commission: Katherine and Rhys by QuantumJinx

Hey guys, welcome to my DA page.

Here I plan to bring you all my latest projects for the future as well as upload all my artwork and photography.
My main aspiration in life is to make it big as an animator and game designer, I hopefully wanna move to the big city and set up my own little art studio so I can make my dream happen.
Thanks so much for supporting, and hopefully you'll enjoy my work too when it's ready.
- Ashton

I am grateful for everyone who views and enjoys my work, sorry if I can't respond to every single comment and message I get but I hope you understand, very often I'm really busy and I can only respond to a handful of messages at a time.

If you wanna use my Photography as stock or colour in any of my art, don't hesitate to ask. But please wait for my permission first otherwise I'm going to treat your devitation as art theft and instantly report it.

::Just how far are we from true artificial intelligence?::

It's something I really do think about quite often. I've always been fascinated by the idea of someday artificial life with intelligence that matches our own, walking by us side by side, or what it could possibly be like if we ever got to the point where the artificial beings in virtual simulated worlds were fully capable of thinking for themselves, just like in science fiction movies such as The Matrix, Nirvana or The Thirteenth Floor..

In many ways we're so close to that future already. Open world video games like GTA V for example show us just how close we really are. A beautifully recreated simulation of modern day Los Angeles fully populated by human beings living their own lives.
It's the closest we've come to that dream so far but at the same time we're still so far off.

The AI in the NPCs that populate the world isn't so much sentient or intelligent as they are just merely semi-intelligent puppets, carrying out tasks they're assigned to do in certain parts of the city and then reacting to the player's presence in whatever sequence is triggered.
This character is programmed to sell hot dogs, these two characters may or may not possibly interact and engage in conversation with one another, this character is set to walk his dog, this character exists in this strip club solely to give the player lap dances.

If the player was to fire a weapon or throw a hand grenade near them, their AI will instruct them to flee and panic to a safe distance.
If the player was to murder an NPC, that NPC will be told to merely 'play dead' until the player leaves the screen and the game no longer has a need for that NPC to lay dead on the pavement.
Any area not within the player's field of view de-renders itself and turns to code and NPCS that would otherwise populate that area will exist merely as code and numbers until the player is close enough to that area for it to need to be rendered again, thus bringing that area to life and giving life again to the NPCS that would be assigned to generate in that said area.

It's really more of an automated puppet show than it is real artificial intelligence.
NPCS are merely more akin to puppets on strings than they are extras in a movie. They don't so much as think for themselves but merely exist solely because they are instructed to. Act like a human being, play dead, disappear when no longer needed.
Of course games like Grand Theft Auto exist to sell entertainment, Rockstar aren't in the industry to further scientific research.

But on the other end of the spectrum you have other forms of AI that can think for themselves and learn in an extremely limited quantity.
Take for example Microsoft's new digital assistant, Cortana. She can act as your personal assistant and learn more about you based on your interests and your search preferences.
At it's heart it's really just a bonafide internet search engine that can talk back to you and set you daily reminders but the way internet search engines such as Google work is in and of itself an example of a really basic AI that is capable of learning.

The more you interact with it, the more it learns about you and what your preferences and interests are.
In an extremely basic way the human mind works the same exact fashion.
You meet someone, you get to know their interests and you tailor yourself to focus more on them whenever you socialise with that person in order to hold their interest in you as a person and gain a meaningful friendship.

Online search engines are built to function the same way.
The more you shop on Amazon, the more Amazon learns about your interests and tailors itself to show you more of what you're interested in as opposed to merely showing you random products from their catalogue in hopes of something from that selection interesting you. YouTube, Facebook and many other places adapt this policy and function the exact same way.

One argument that's always brought up amongst scientists debating the topic of building a sentient AI is that if you build a machine or artificial being that can think for itself, what's to say it won't be able to surpass our own intelligence, keep getting smarter and then consider our species a threat or even just an inconvenience to be eradicated in order to protect its own existence or preserve the world around it?

My personal theory on this is that if it's possible to build an artificial brain that can think like a human being then it's possible to create a brain that deliberately has the same limitations we do as well.
We may be the most intelligent creatures on this Earth but we're far from flawless. We don't have laser sharp concentration, we don't adapt on a dime to changes in our environment, we're emotional, irrational, we aren't capable of learning new skills instantaneously and our own intelligence is limited by our own short lifespan.

If you could create an artificial mind that simulated the human brain without trying to perfect its flaws then you very well may find the answer to creating life without putting our own at risk.

I personally hope we really can get to this kind of future someday. Watching the movie Ex_Machina really does make you wonder how close we are. I mean as expensive the technology may be, it's not impossible to create artificial life-like human beings.

Japan has been working on this for some time with their own work in progress android called 'Actroid'. The only problem is that the AI is barely capable of thinking for itself and is little more than a billion dollar puppet show with a thousand cables sticking out of its back and about 11 scientists needing to maintain it at all times.

Korea has a similar model to the android but it isn't any more advanced than the Actroid is and again, merely exists at this stage for our own amusement rather than to prove to the world we can build human beings who can go out into the world and buy groceries, work a full time job, rent their own apartment or buy themselves a car. Not because we want them to or because we find their existence amusing but because they themselves want to. They have their own interests, they have a favorite colour and TV show. They have their own style of clothing and find certain fashion trends more appealing than others. They enjoy the smell of scented candles or like to collect memorabilia from their favorite movies. They dislike aspects of their day to day job, they have co-workers they hate and others they like. They have a sexual preference, they have porn on their browsing history. They have a girlfriend or boyfriend, be it android or human. They have their own life and their own brain.

They don't enjoy certain things or behave in a certain particular way because we TOLD them to.
They understood what options were available to them. They made a conscious decision that they like this movie over that one, that they like this fashion trend over that one. That they'd rather purchase this red Nissan sports car over the more practical grey Ford Focus.

Yes, the Ford Focus is more practical, you could probably fit more shopping in the trunk of the car and have more passengers in the back seat if you were taking friends out to the beach but gosh darn it, the Nissan sports car just looks more stylist and trendy, and red sports cars look badass.

And again going back to fashion. Maybe this artificial being doesn't find trainer socks and khaki shorts particularly appealing? Maybe they prefer the fashion styles of K-pop artists such as G-Dragon or Henry Lau and would much rather wear knee high tube socks, hi-top trainers, baggy shorts and a sweater?

There'd be no practical or logical reason for doing so. Wearing gold jewelry can serve no practical purpose and wearing your cap backwards doesn't protect human eyes from the sun's rays.
And if an android is incapable of suffering from cold temperatures then there would be no need for clothing whatsoever.
Animals don't wear clothing because they have no physical need to. We as humans need clothing to protect ourselves but we choose what clothing we prefer to wear.

I digress on the subject but it truly does feel like we as a human society are in a diamond mine, digging with our hands because we forgot to bring any tools.

Ex_Machina does bring up an interesting point in the movie, however. The main character Ava was an intelligent Android, whose intelligence and understanding of our culture, our facial expressions and our way of communicating comes mostly from data gathered from internet search engines and then compiled into a way she as an AI could understand it.
Maybe the solution everyone is looking for is right in front of our very eyes?

Is our entire human history not already available on the Internet? Can you not learn everything about our culture through YouTube? Could an Autistic teenager not learn how to become more social by asking questions through a search engine he or she would not dare to ask in real life?
Such as how to read facial expressions? How to detect sarcasm? How to detect a lie? Why a white lie is necessary at times? Why asking multiple personal questions to a person can frustrate or offend them?

How an artificial being could learn about the world and our culture could very well follow similar patterns and struggles with comprehension as a child born with Autism or Asperger's Syndrome.
Having a very clear but basic understanding of how the world should work but failing to understand why asking someone a simple direct question deeply offended them, why it's inappropriate to behave a certain way in front of an authoritative figure or in a place where you're expected to be respectful or formal such as a church or a school or even an extreme example, why it would be considered odd to browse through store windows at 1 o'clock in the morning or smell the roses in someone else's garden.

There's no law set in stone that needs to be obeyed that states you cannot do these things but we as a society choose not to do them for the sake of normality and would find someone extremely odd for doing so and not being consciously aware of these unspoken rules of our culture.

An artificial mind that can understand the human condition, through and through and not just have a basic understanding of how our culture works or how a particular human being, a 'John Doe' or 'Mary Sue' would think and feel would be a true breakthrough indeed.

And again on the other end of the spectrum, going back to virtual simulated worlds.
If you were to take GTA V on the PC, have it compatible with Oculus Rift's virtual reality headset and somehow made the game compatible with Microsoft Kinect's motion tracking camera, there and of itself you'd have your first real glimpse into the future of virtual reality.

You could explore an actual simulated Los Angeles with your own eyes and your own body movements in the comfort of your very home.
Perhaps you may need a large treadmill or some kind of platform to keep you suspended in mid air so the Kinect can track your leg movements without you walking into furniture but apart from that, if it can be programmed into the game, you'd have your answer.

The tools and technology for these things is right here in the now, it's right in front of us and has been for years.

The real question is when will it finally be put into practice?

::My Current Projects::

Sonic Adventure Minecraft - Beta V3 out now
Shenmue Minecraft - Beta V2 out now
Sonic Craft Adventure
Minecraft World
SegaSonic ArcadeCraft
Shenmue 3: The Complete Saga
Katherine and Hippoloid
Robotnik in Wonderland
Dr. Eggman's Cross Dimensional Adventure

::Minecraft Archive::

Sonic Adventure Minecraft

Beta Version 1 download:…
Beta Version 2 pre-release download:…
Beta Version 2 download:…
Beta Version 3 download…
Update archive #1:…
Update archive #2:…
Minecraft Forum:…
Planet Minecraft:…
Feature on TSSZ News:…

Shenmue Minecraft

Beta Version 1 pre-release download:…
Beta Version 1 download:…
Beta Version 2 download:…
Feature on Pushsquare:…
Feature on AreaGames:…
Feature on GamesBlog:…
Feature on N4G:…
Feature on Cramgaming:…
(more links found above)

::You can catch me on these sites::

Xbox Gamertag - The Crimson Emo
PSN Gamertag - TheCrimsonEmo
3DS Friend Code - 4639-8966-3635… (Youtube) (Tumblr) (Twitter) (InkBunny) (Newgrounds)… (Google+)… (Pinterest)… (stumbleupon) (Gravatar)

Other links… - My top 50 games and movies list of 2014… - My top 20 video game villains of all time list… - My own video games quiz. Go ahead, give it a try!… - My video game Christmas musical parody… - Dr. Eggman's Cross Dimensional Adventure… - Robotnik in Wonderland - Part 1… - Robotnik in Wonderland - Part 2… - Katherine and Hippoloid's rough draft script - Part 1… - Katherine and Hippoloid's rough draft script - Part 2… - My Disney infinity Review… - My Alice Madness Returns Review… - My American McGee's Alice Preview… - My Crazy Taxi 360/PS3 Review… - My Halo Reach Preview… - My Shenmue in The Sims 2 Project… - My flash projects list… - Curse of the Tails Doll, my short horror novel… - How to explore the underbelly of the Egg Carrier… - My Weazel News skit.… - Download Laura Bailey as a playable character in Saints Row: The Third


TheCrimsonEmo's Profile Picture
Also known as AshtonNextGen
Artist | Hobbyist | Traditional Art
United Kingdom



Add a Comment:
darklylightkayleigh Featured By Owner 4 days ago  Student General Artist
This is going to sound weird, but I think we used to be myspace friends haha!
shadowlord19 Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Happy Birthday.
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you. =D
LeoHightower Featured By Owner Jun 18, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Yo Crimson, Happy Birthday dude, hope you are doing well! :salute: :party: :iconcakeplz:
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh, thanks man! Same to you as well! :love:
LeoHightower Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner May 11, 2015
I hope you've been okay, Sir. *Hug*
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner May 13, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Are we even still friends? You've been giving me the cold shoulder for so long now I honestly don't know if I should just give up caring tbh.
We don't really talk anymore, you ignore all of my messages and responces, only sending me random occasional links here and there or spamming my xbox inbox with depressing 'monday messages'.
The only time we really have conversations anymore is regarding your depression and suicide. It's clearly already past the point where nothing I say or do is ever going to help you in anyway which is why I stopped giving you advice about it.
I just don't know what to do anymore but I'm frankly sick of caring about it. Tbh this really does feel like a one way friendship half the time.
I dunno man, but I'm just sick of stressing over this shit.
You already told me a few months back that you pushed all your other friends away and i'm just here wandering if I'm the final target on that shitlist.

I mean, I just can't help you with what you're going through with your mom, losing your job and being dumped by that girl. I mean you were apparently dating her for 6 months prior and I didn't even know about it until the relationship ended and you were up in arms about it.
I just can't help you because you don't seemingly want help or want to do anything anymore... or maybe you already have and just didn't tell me. You could be an assistant manager at Aldi right now for all I buggering know. You don't tell me these things so I can only just assume you've been sat in the dark playing Xbox and sulking in self pity all of this time.
I dunno man, but I'm just so sick of caring anymore tbh. It's unneeded stress I frankly don't deserve.
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner May 14, 2015
I don't need you to care, Crimson. You live your life and I'll live mine. If you had facebook, I would talk to you a lot more because I absolutely hate typing, and facebook lets you send unlimited voice messages up to 1 minute each, while you type your side of the conversation. It would basically be how we used to talk to each other on Xbox, except I don't have to keep stopping what I'm doing to read and reply to your messages. This website is dead to me and I barely check it anymore.
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner May 12, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've been wandering the same thing, I haven't heard from or spoken to you in ages? What happened?
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner May 14, 2015
Here's my facebook link if you want it… That's where I'll be from now on.
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner May 3, 2015
I think you'll like this ;)…
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner May 5, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Oh my god that was priceless! I actually fantasize about the same thing in Shenmue when I'm bored at work sometimes.
Just random funny shit happening with the characters, though my fantasies are way more fucked up.
I like to pretend all the characters in shenmue are satanists who have to do all this crazy shit to please Iwata and Miyamoto, the gods of nintendo.
So ryo and ren would have all these bayonetta like powers and be sent on these wacky missions that involves looking for a virgin fisherman at the harbour to sacrifice to help the tomato convenience resurrect segata sanshiro or helping yamagishi-san marry little megumi or helping Iwao hazuki and Lan di find a magic vanity mirror and they have all these crazy demonic powers like being able to summon the boat from steamboat willie or the cat bus from my neighbour totoro. Its just bizarre wacky shit like that.
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner May 3, 2015
Streets of Rage 2 is coming to 3DS in 3D in July!…
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015
Jon CJG is working on an eighth season of Arby 'n' the Chief. It premieres within a few months.
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Nice! Is he doing it because he wants to though or because 'the fans are making him do it'?
And on that note, how the hell is he even going to!? The only way I can see it premiering is if they start off with 'herp-derp, the gas explosion didn't go off after all, things are back to normal now'
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2015
He explains it all here…
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner Apr 16, 2015
I hope you're okay, Sir.
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I've been meaning to send you this for ages. I think you'd really like this…
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is really exciting!
ThePuzzleSolver Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2015
This is going to come the hell out of nowhere, but I would genuinely like to know, please. What is your brutally honest opinion of me? Please include what you dislike about me and what you think my flaws are. You know me better than most, and I've been doing a lot of introspection lately, and could do with a second opinion, if you don't mind. On a similar note, do you consider our bond healthy, or do I generally make you feel depressed?
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
You really need to seek a psychotherapist to help you deal with these issues. I know its the last thing you want to hear but the truth is, you are never going to be able to fully deal with these problems and mental issues by yourself because you can only understand them from your own perspective.
Me and your other friends can give help and support but we can only do so much for you because we're not trained psychiatrists who deal with depression.

There's a youtube channel I follow called Psychology in Seattle, its like a radio podcast channel hosted by a psychiatrist called Dr. Kirk Honda. they cover a range of different topics but one topic he's covered before is depression and suicide.
The reason I bring this up is because he had a guest speaker come in who's like a grad medical student who's had chronic depression her entire life and she explained how therapy helped her to manage it.

I mean she flat out said, there's no cure for Chronic depression, it's not something a therapist can cure for you, but it at least helped her to manage and control it to the point where she knows that whenever she has those thoughts, its her depression giving her those thoughts, not her thoughts causing depression. Or so to speak.
Those weren't her exact words, I'm just putting it into perspective.
But yeah even Kirk Honda said, not every therapist will work for you, you sometimes might have to try different therapists until you find the one that's right for you.

Again it's not what you want to hear but it's really gotten to the point where you've pretty much done all that you can for yourself in managing your depression and its not going to get really any better or worse for yourself until you see things from someone else's perspective, and as much as I can help, I'm not a trained perfessional in any way, the only advice I can really give you besides this is to give yourself so many distractions in life that you'd honestly be too damn busy to even take the time to care.
Hell that's what I've been doing.

Maybe that really is what you need, I mean, what is your drive for getting out of bed in the morning? Y'know, what motivates you to exist as a human being?
I mean it's one thing to say you wanna be an animator like Egoraptor and be a voice actor but if you don't persue your own goals then you have nothing but your own mental state to occupy your mind, and thats when you get all these thoughts that just make you question why you bother living or what's the point in life, y'know?

I mean, fuck, I fucking hate my life, I hate every single aspect of it. I'm probably the exact polar opposite of everything I WANT to be in life.
I hate my fucking job so much that every SINGLE day for the past 11 months I've wanted to have a violent mental breakdown and tell these fucking third world bastards I have to work with to find themselves another fucking kitchen porter and throw my apron off and just walk out, threaten violence if they even so much as follow me.

I hate this fucking apartment I live in that every single day I regret signing the lease. It's a fucking shithole with so many problems I almost wish the authorities would step in and arrest the people who manage this place, hell I don't even feel safe in my own home as I constantly have paranoid thoughts that an intruder could just walk in without any effort at all and steal all my shit.
Hell just last night I came home to find my lights were off and was paniking because I thought an intruder was in my home as I was pulling into the entrance. I was too terrified to even unlock the front door.

I fucking hate my life here, but I don't want to go back to my old life either as I hated that even more. Y'know I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't.
Until luck strikes me and I either win the lottery or find a better job I'm just damned to rot in this slump of misery until the day I retire. And fuck me, I don't even know if I can manage a year doing this, nevermind 40+.

But even with all of that, I still hate my body, hate my looks, hate my hair, even the sound of my own voice. I'm almost the direct polar opposite of eveything I wish I could be but yet, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world because despite feeling like I've made every single possible wrong desision in my life, its our life experiences and our own thoughts and inspirations that make us who we are, not our achievements or successes.
I mean hell, things could always be WORSE than they are, we could both die and end up being reincarnated as starving african children or a chinese orphan or even worse.

So yeah, for me its my goals an ambitions that keep me motivated to keep going and suffer through all of this crap.
I wanna get my ideas out there in the world. I want people to read my stories or play my games, watch my videos or just see my own visions and ideas come to life and feel that I've made an imprint on the world that people can appretiate long after I'm gone.
If not for that, then what's honestly the point in any human being being here?
The Earth is nothing if not for the history we imprint onto it. Least that's how I feel anyway.
britts-demesne Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Sorry for butting in *and this will sound really weird*, but you getting a mentor *perhaps they're called Life Coaches on your side of the pond* might help. I have three of them, and I'm a close friend to two of them. Might not sound like much, but sometime a listening ear and some uplifting advice *even if you have to ask for it more than once* can really work some wonders into a soul.
TheCrimsonEmo Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the help, I don't think that would really work for me though, all of my problems are financial, and tbh I couldn't afford something like that anyway.
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